Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
