He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
