Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
