shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
