So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
