So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
