I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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