I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
