i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
