I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
