I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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