Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
