my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
