Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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