the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
