My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
