3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
