White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
