i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
