I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
