Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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