every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
