I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
