If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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