He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
