Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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