my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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