cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
