I wannas sexs uuuuu
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
