the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
