I wish I could punch you in the face.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
