I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
