How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
