...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
