pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
