I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
