Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
