dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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