They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
