we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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