Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
