apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
