Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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