Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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