i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
