I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can Purell be used as lube?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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