oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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