he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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