Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
