3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
