So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
