are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
