I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
