dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
