haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
